10 Days of T-Shirts: Day 5 – Chuck Norris Destroyed the Periodic Table

Let’s talk about authority.  Every man wants it.  It comes in handy.  But few have as much as they’d prefer.  Chuck Norris has it.  You can start acquiring more by wearing this T-shirt from the folks at ThinkGeek:  the Chuck Norris Destroyed the Periodic Table T-shirt.

Let’s face it:  few situations could not be improved by having more authority.  Everything from ordering room service to a job interview is enhanced when you are authoritative.  But few men possess that quality to their satisfaction.  Except Chuck Norris.  Chuck Norris CAN get some satisfaction.  And you can get some yourself when you don this T-shirt. (Or, at any rate, a good laugh).  It’s white, 100% cotton, with black artwork.  It states:  “Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.”

Consider Chuck Norris.  When he started out as a martial artist, he could kick your ass.  Then he became a successful actor.  Now he is a successful actor who could kick your ass.  That is true authority.  And being an actor with authority is about as good as it gets.  So he authorized ThinkGeek to create this T-shirt.

Consider another guy, Sean Clements.  He can’t kick your ass.  But he does want to be an actor.  He’s working at it, but I think he needs more authority.  For example, in the “Sean Clements Acting Reel” video below, which he uses to promote his work, consider how in the opening scene the authority of the two guys would be enhanced if they were wearing shirts.  Even just T-shirts.  When it’s time to pitch your movie, it’s helpful to wear a shirt.

That’s where this Chuck Norris shirt comes in.  It will provide you the opportunity to wear a shirt when you need one.  And it will vicariously enhance your standing.  Always wear a Chuck Norris T-shirt when in doubt.  Or when not in doubt.  Clothes make the man, you know.  Especially T-shirts that you get for reasonable prices.

Voltron Giant Robot T-shirt

Of course, if Chuck Norris is a personal friend of yours, or if you are Chuck Norris, then you will probably not need this shirt.  In that case, the huge selection of other humorous and/or entertaining T-shirts from ThinkGeek will come in handy.  Yes, most are funny, but some are even cool, despite the fact that the company has “Geek” in the title.  Check out, for example, the Voltron T-shirt (at right), which is both bright and Japanese.


You're confident


And the FTW! T-shirt. (FTW = For the Win.  Which is what you want to do.)




Actually, getting back to Sean Clements, he’s got potential, he’s developing some funniness.  Case in point, a few of his recent tweets:

  • “To Frat Dudes:  Being loud and being funny are the same thing.  Go tell the others.”
  • “If someone brings up a movie I haven’t seen, I make sure to talk about one they haven’t seen right after.  I’m nobody’s fucking bitch.”
  • “It’s Nationel Typo Day!”
  • “One cool thing I do for my friends is I tell them when I think their life is boring.”

Dude, don’t be boring.  Or non-authoritative.  If you can laugh, you’ll be neither.  To be sure, cover your bases by trying the Chuck Norris Periodic Table T-shirt.  You have nothing to lose.  Except the general disrespect in which most people hold you.  (No, just kidding.  That’s what is known as “marketing.”)

Really, get the shirt, before the price goes up.  Shirts always come in handy.  ThinkGeek does not charge a lot, but when they catch on, they will.

Sean Clements Acting Reel from Sean Clements on Vimeo.


ThinkGeek Use Your Brain

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